When one person destroys the happiness of their partner, it may not be an intentional action on their part. They might believe the things they do are a way of contributing, and they could wonder why the other person is constantly upset with them. People tend to parrot the behaviour of their own parents, so looking at what a spouse's home life is like now could give some clues into solving issues that continue to crop up. When a partner is constantly adding negativity to an event of any size, observing how his or her parents operate before a family event could be a good way to begin finding solutions to make both people in the relationship happy.
Holidays are generally big events in many families, and they are a time to get together and celebrate. If a spouse seems to often toss a wrench into plans at these types of celebrations, taking a good look at their parents may yield clues to why a person reacts in a certain way. The spouse's parents could have a traditional disdain for a particular holiday, or they could be experiencing in-law issues. These two factors might contribute to the negative actions their children grow up believing make a perfect family holiday.
Families with a parent experiencing an addiction issue often find holidays make the problem worse, and it can become a time of anxiety. Recognizing this issue and discussing it as a couple can help alleviate the bad behaviour. If a spouse takes the time to become educated on issues related to addiction, it can help solve their own problems with a spouse because the addiction will not necessarily affect their own holiday plans.
It can be difficult to explain to a partner how their actions are causing a negative effect, so being able to pinpoint why they act in a particular way during the holidays or at family events can be helpful. Examining how they grew up can help both partners find ways to alleviate the anxiety and stress the behaviour is causing, and they may be able to begin a new family tradition of happy gatherings.